Chow Time
by Abicion
Summary: I easily could have made this into something along the lines of "Charlotte's Cuisine Critique," but I decided to add a bit of a twist to it.


_No star is safe in Stormhold._

_The last one fell 400 years ago and was captured by a family of witches. They tricked her. Cared for her. And, when her heart was once more aglow, they cut it from her chest_

_And ate it._

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><p><em>We were once a peaceful race of intelligent mechanical beings, but then came the war: Between the Autobots who fought for freedom, and the Decepticons who dreamt of tyranny. Overmatched and outnumbered, our defeat was all but certain.<em>

_But in the war's final days, one Autobot ship escaped the battle. It was carrying a secret cargo which would have changed our planet's fate._

_A desperate mission. Our final hope._

_A hope that vanished…_

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><p>A shooting star soared across Stormhold's sky, and Lamia was the first to notice. It had been nearly four centuries since the wrinkled old witch and her two sisters had last been able to harvest the means of their eternal youth, and this latest delivery couldn't have been more appreciated. Lamia would have to act quickly, and she scurried to mobilize her sleeping siblings as she realized what her vision meant. Their new hope had appeared.<p>

The three witches soon found themselves in the field where Lamia estimated the star would land, as they possessed a certain power that had allowed them to travel to the spot in only seconds. Lamia's two companions soon gave way to bickering with her, feeling she had finally gone off the deep end and was now merely hallucinating stars appearing out of thin air. They became so engrossed in their argument that they failed to notice the second star that flew over Stormhold that night in the opposite direction of the first. The debate only ended when they heard a promising sound coming from just above them.

Hurtling through the air with a noise like a screaming banshee, this star took a most unexpected form. Rather than falling to the ground in the shape of beautiful young girl dressed in silver, this star appeared to be a steel vessel. It vaguely resembled the sort of majestic flying ships used by sky pirates, but it was clearly built in a scale and falling from a height no sky pirate of this world could ever dream of achieving. Perhaps this star had been clever enough to protect herself after so many of her older sisters had fallen to the witches.

The three witches fled from the field just as the colossal vessel crashed into the ground. It created a lake-sized crater in the center of the field and left a dust cloud taller than the tallest palace billowing in every direction. As the debris settled, the three witches came forward again to see the star was now removing itself from the crashed ship. They were even more surprised than before.

The star was gargantuan, and humanoid in only basic form. It appeared to be some sort of golem, only made of metal instead of stone. It was dressed in crimson armor, wearing a flowing cape on its back and a horned helmet on its head. Its face was statuesque, made from silver and sculpted in the shape of an old soldier. To say its three onlookers were any taller than its foot may have been an exaggeration.

As the bizarre creature began searching for something in its own crumpled wreckage, one of the other witches joined Lamia at her side and whispered in shock.

"THAT'S a star?"

Lamia hissed lightly in annoyance before she quelled her sister's concerns.

"Of course. Now let me handle this."

She slowly stepped toward the enormous stranger to introduce herself and her family. It was all a false display of friendly tiding, however, as there were insidious motives behind her actions. After finishing her approach with a respectful bow, she raised her voice so the star would hear her.

"O beautiful and noble celestial maiden, what can we three humble servants do for you?"

The great creature stopped what it was doing and abruptly turned toward Lamia. Its metallic face ruffled into a look of confusion, as it if were at a loss for words toward the particular way it had been greeted. It eventually shook its head so it could focus back on the matter at hand. Then it spoke, sounding distinctly masculine and perhaps mildly senile.

"The war! The war! We came under fire!"

Its glowing bluish-white eyes then focused specifically on Lamia. It lowered it voice to a dreadful tone when it spoke again.

"The pillars! Where are the pillars?"

One of the sisters muttered something from behind Lamia's back.

"If that's a maiden, why does it sound like an old man?"

The other sister spoke next.

"And why does it have a beard?"

Lamia snapped her head toward her siblings in growing contempt. She scolded them in a harsh whisper.

"Silence! She's obviously using some sort of magick to disguise her helplessness! What other explanation is there?"

When she placed her attention back on the star, she resumed her more peaceful demeanor. The ethereal being had remained oblivious to the sisters' infighting, and Lamia took the opportunity to question its strange and panicked words.

"What is this mystical power you speak of, my heavenly visitor?"

The star hesitated again, then answered in a much more calm manner.

"I'm searching for a technology that defies your laws of physics. It allows me to transport matter instantaneously through time and space."

Lamia reacted in a look of astonishment. There actually was one thing in her world that fit the description the star had used. With a raised eyebrow, she tried extrapolate on the celestial being's statement.

"So… you're looking for Babylon candles?"

She then turned back toward her two siblings, mumbling under her breath in bitter defeat.

"Great. It's the only thing she wants and we just used our last one getting here."

As a new strategy formed in her mind, her lips curled into a sadistic smirk. From the folds of her dark robe she retrieved a single weapon: A ceremonial dagger of unspeakable purpose. When she continued whispering to the other witches, her voice took on an ominous quality.

"Looks like we'll have to take a more direct route."

The two other sisters nodded in agreement.

The star had still not caught wind of what its welcoming party was truly plotting. It was answering Lamia's question when she turned to face it again.

"I've never heard them called by that name, and I'm the one who invented th-…"

Its words trailed off when it noticed the deadly blade. It narrowed its eyes in suspicion before it began speaking again.

"What do you plan to do with that, lowly human?"

The witches had now positioned themselves to lunge toward their target in unison. Lamia sneered at the star when she revealed her intent.

"We 'lowly humans' are going use this to carve out your heart and devour it."

The star once more appeared to be confused. It sounded equally bewildered when it replied to Lamia's threats.

"My heart? Are you referring to my spark? I'm not sure it would have any nutritional value for organic lifeforms."

All three witches were now growing increasingly hostile. Lamia was especially impatient, and she growled at what she perceived to be the star's feigned ignorance.

"We're referring to the glowing relic which can be removed from your chest and grant new life to the old!"

After a short moment in thought, the star responded. It now seemed to understand.

"Ah, the Matrix of Leadership. I'm afraid I entrusted that to Optimus before I left."

Lamia failed to comprehend what any of this meant. When her rage reached its boiling point, she squeezed the handle of the dagger in her fist and shouted one final thing before moving to attack.

"Enough of your games, star! Prepare to meet your doom just like all your sisters before you!"

Having no other options available, the star took measures to defend itself. It effortlessly lifted one of its mighty feet and lowered it back onto the charging witches, reducing the entire family to nothing more than a red pulp. Thanks to the inadvertent actions of this peculiar heavenly tourist, future stars would be much safer during their stay in Stormhold.

The field soon became just as silent as it had been before the strange being's arrival. The now gentle giant spent some time scanning the horizon in every direction, once again searching for whatever it had lost. It appeared to be in a depressed mood until it saw a vague set of objects in the distance. With its sense of hope partially restored, it squinted toward the vague shapes that had caught its attention. A short pause later, it shouted gleefully as its eyes focused on the towers of Castle Stormhold.

"Pillars!"

The star began its long journey toward the castle, creating small earthquakes with every step it took.

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong> And that's what I meant when I said Michelle Pfeiffer mistakes Leonard Nimoy for a Tennyo.


End file.
